It’s a Friday night and you’re once again doing your washing instead of hitting the town. Maybe you’re lonely living away from home? Here’s how to make friends as an expat…
Loneliness is one of the worst feelings you can have. It eats away at you and traps you in a cycle of doubt and sadness. Once you’re in that carousel of negative emotions you feel like you can’t reach out, making you even lonelier. The feeling of isolation can hit anyone in any place at any time. Unfortunately, its effects can be felt even more deeply when living as an expat. You’re away from familiar family and friends, surrounded by an unknown culture. But loneliness is not a terminal condition. One day you’ll wake up and realise you’re surrounded by friends who are always there for you. But how do you get to that stage? First, it’s important to understand why you might be feeling lonely as an expat in the first place. If you already know why, you can skip ahead to discover five ways to make friends as an expat abroad.
Why am I feeling lonely?
Finding the source of your isolation can help you conquer it. You can’t understand why you’re an extrovert in your hometown but a fish out of water in your new location. Going through school, you might have experienced a degree of isolation. Yet it somehow seems even more profound now you’re living in an unfamiliar country.
Powerlessness
One of the stand-out reasons loneliness abroad hits differently is due to the wicked combination of alienation plus powerlessness. This powerlessness is caused by factors like not understanding the language or the culture, or being physically lost within a new environment. You can not simply go to the shops and strike up a conversation. The conversations that you do have feel stilted and uncomfortable. You want a natural connection with either locals or other expats. Yet, these relationships are difficult to create and even harder to maintain.
‘New’ friends vs old friends
You might feel like you don’t actually need ‘new’ friends. After all, you’re already struggling to stay connected to the ones you have at home. But there are ways to meet similar individuals (who are probably just as lonely as you) and keep in touch to the people you love. So if you feel a twinge of sadness when you walk past those bustling cafes or feel you’re wasting every weekend at home, read ahead to discover how to put an end to this negativity.
How to make friends as an expat living abroad:
1. Social Media
Reels and groups
Not only can social media help you stay attached to your pre-existing friends, it can help you connect to new friends. There are so many prolific social media platforms out there that there is definitely one that will be useful in your hunt for friends. Apps like Instagram and TikTok can be great for watching reels of expats in your chosen country so you’ll never miss out on things like festivals happening near you or the trendy places to visit. Additionally, Facebook is a great app for joining expat groups. You can search for pages to do with the city you’re living in and connect to people nearby or virtually reach out to people on this platform if you’re having a problem. I frequently turned to Facebook groups when I wanted medical advice in Korea, finding where English-speaking doctors and dentists were around the country.
Finally, after experiencing living abroad, you will probably find that you’ve made friends from all around the world. WhatsApp is a great way to stay in touch with these friends and family back home, which will be a great help in combating any loneliness you’re feeling. This app provides a secure way to message people without costing you anything. So fill your phone with all of these apps and stay connected.
Different social media abroad
Remember that depending on where you are in the world, the most popular social media apps will vary slightly. While living in Korea, I discovered that KakaoTalk was the must-have app for connecting with people. Through this social media platform, I could easily talk to my friends and work colleagues, and even join chat groups that gave me the capability to meet even more people. In a flurry of excitement, I joined different groups for musical theatre lovers, exercise fanatics and British expats, as well as several groups created for EPIK teachers in Korea.
2. Cultural and support centres
Services available
This method for making friends as an expat is a little dependent on where you’ve moved to and might take some digging. However, if a cultural or support centre is within your reach, you should definitely check it out. Big cities are likely to have a dedicated place for expats to gain information and meet. These spaces may also offer cultural classes, language lessons and performances so that expats can adjust to their new lives a little easier. Many international cultural and support centres will also provide help to expats about lifestyle problems, from finance management to job consultations. And if you’re trying to handle your feelings of loneliness but it seems unmanageable, these centres can also offer psychological support and counselling services. No matter how long you’ve been an expat, knowing these resources exist can be a safety net in a turbulent and sometimes stressful life.
Events and classes
A little search online made me aware of my local support centre and the services it offers. Through some basic scrolling, I learnt that next week my city is holding a festival for expats. I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a great way to meet other people. If I was in the market for a more regular commitment to fill my lonely evenings, this cultural centre also offers a Foreign Residents Volunteer Group and Free Driver’s License classes. Moving away from home doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold or give up the things you care about. You just have to look in the right places. One such place is the cultural or support centre, so go ahead and check it out.
3. Work colleagues
Keep your work and private life separate. You might live by this rule so the idea of fraternising with your work colleagues outside of the office is close to a nightmare. But as an expat, your work colleagues might be a lifeline for you while you’re away from your family and friends. You see these people nearly every day so shouldn’t there be some sort of amity between you?
Benefits of work besties
However, creating this goodwill can be challenging. Putting effort into learning the language and culture, as well as being an open and smiley person, are just some examples of how to forge these friendships at work (read this article to learn more tips for fitting in at work abroad). So make a real effort with your work colleagues even if you hadn’t considered them as besties before. These people can be a great source of knowledge and help in a country where you’re not as clued up. They can even suggest good resources to you or invite you to experience their culture firsthand.
Make the first move
I know that as an EPIK teacher, my experience in Korea was very much tied to my job. By working at a school I was put in contact with a colleague who was responsible for handling any issues I had. Therefore, it was intuitive for me to forge meaningful connections with people at my place of work. Nonetheless, I struggled to make an impact with every colleague. Nine times out of ten, I would wait for my co-teacher to extend the first invite. Unlike me, you shouldn’t be afraid to make this initial move. You could bring your colleagues coffee or bread, or invite them to the local cafe after work. These small gestures will not only make your work life easier but could also help you create closer friends from a pool of people you already know.
4. Hobbies
It’s likely that if you’re doing something you enjoy you’ll be more relaxed and open to meet like-minded humans. Getting rid of some of the tension and anxiety that’s associated with meeting new people can be a great help when trying to hit it off with someone. And having an activity to focus on can act as a conversation buffer, making interactions more natural and fluid. This activity can be anything from a book club, to jewellery making, to a tennis club to going to the bar every Saturday to watch your favourite sports team on the big screen.
Types of hobbies
There’s no wrong choice when choosing a hobby to try when you’re creating a new identity as an expat. By using social media and support centres, you’ll be able to find groups you might be interested in. Otherwise, try having a look on your map app to pinpoint where groups might meet. For example, the local fitness centre or library are good places to find people. Then just rock up and make some new friends.
Try something new
Once I became an expat, I used the experience of moving away from my old life to discover new hobbies. Not knowing the language well and living in a fairly rural location, I found it difficult to maintain my passion for musical theatre. That’s just when other hobbies stepped in to fill the void. I explored lots of new interests and had a great time meeting people while doing it. I loved the kindness of the instructor at my Pilates class and the comradery I felt at Zumba. Being surrounded by people when I went to the gym was also a good feeling, even if I didn’t talk to anyone. These hobbies didn’t require me be fluent in Korean. Nonetheless, they made me feel less lonely. They also got me out of my own head through physical activity for a little bit.
5. Take a walk
It’s as simple as taking a stroll around town. I’ve had countless interactions from just leaving my house and popping to the shop. While this might not be the most effective method for making lifelong friends, it can be a great way to brighten your day and get you out of your lonely bubble.
Walk with purpose
Walking with a purpose can also help to clear your head. Perhaps you set a course for the local park that you’ve been meaning to check out. Maybe you walk to that beautiful cafe with a view up on the hill. Having this focus in mind can make you feel like you’ve achieved your goal even if you didn’t actually get around to interacting with anyone on your walk. Plus, getting out of the house and going to shops and cafes gives you a great opportunity to flex your language muscles. Any practice is good practice. Frequent interactions like this can prepare you for conversing with potential friends in the future.
Unexpected interactions
I find that if I’m ever feeling lonely, I only need to go and wait at the bus stop and I’m sure to have an unexpected interaction. Standing here in the morning I’ve had countless conversations with other early birds. I was even given an energy drink once by an enthusiastic stranger. Once again, you might not meet your soulmate just by taking a walk around town, but you’ll surely meet more people out and about than you will by sitting inside. So pop on your shoes and take a stroll, you never know what you’ll see and the interesting characters you’ll meet by just meandering around your city.
Finding friends as an expat
How come when you’re five years old making friends seems so easy? In a matter of moments you’re playing with some other preschooler like your siblings. Doubt and uncertainty seep into our minds and make the friends-making process ten times more challenging as we reach adulthood. Add moving to a new country onto that and you’ve got a recipe for loneliness and isolation. But it doesn’t have to be like that. These methods are a great way to start meeting people and will help pull you out of your lonely funk. Use the resources around you – from social media platforms to your colleagues. And count every interaction as a win, from the small snippets of conversation you have at the shop to someone smiling at you at your badminton club. Lastly, if the loneliness gets too much, remember that there is no shame in returning home, particularly if you know people waiting for you back there. But before you drop everything and run, go through this checklist and maybe there’ll be a bestie waiting at the end of it.
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