Home Time: 5 signs that it’s time to go home after living abroad

You’re not homesick. And you’re definitely not unhappy per se. So how do you know that it’s time to go home?

There comes a time in every expat journey when a sense of doubt creeps in. The lost wanderer finds themself wandering back to familiar lands. For me, the inevitable resolution to go home came during my second year in Korea. But how did I know I was making the right choice by refusing my next contract? What signs told me that my journey had run its course? How did I know that it was time to close this chapter of my life with no regrets? Maybe you’re in a similar place to me, currently flitting between the push and pull of stay or go. Sadly, no pros and cons list is making the decision any easier. Thankfully, here is a list of five simple things to consider when deciding whether it’s time to go home:

1. Career development 
2. Daydreaming
3. Reconnecting
4. Support network
5. Bucket list

Ask yourself these questions and come one step closer to your decision.

Career development

Have you outgrown your job?

Sometimes people move abroad in pursuit of their career and sometimes a job is a stable way to move abroad. Regardless of what drove you to uproot your life and move millions of miles away, if you are beginning to feel a professional roadblock, it might be time to go home. Career changes and job progression are possible away from home. However, a change in career and the upward climb for success in your occupation might be more unfamiliar in a foreign country. Complicated application processes, unattainable qualifications, and language blocks can all be strong forces in limiting your professional development. Although these roadblocks are easily solved by a return to a more familiar turf. 

After a year of teaching, I began to feel frustrated in a job where the only upward trajectory appeared to be a meagre pay rise, capping after five years. Without the appropriate Korean qualifications or a divine stroke of luck, I would never have made headway in the education sector. I could shift to another school or try my luck at a private institution but the upward climb to senior positions would be a difficult feat. Not to mention, I knew that teaching was not my dream career path. The kids were cute, for sure. Yet, the idea of churning out robotic English for the next forty years had me in cold sweats. I knew that, with my limited language ability, the application process to my profession of choice would be challenging, if not impossible.

Once I knew the role of Native English Teacher was no longer suitable for me, I considered other ways to stay in the country, visa permitting. I could return to university. That, however, felt like a step backward for me and I dreaded being a penniless student again. Or I could try and find other jobs for English speakers, but they were few and far between. Logically considering my career options helped me to see that my safest bet was returning home. There I could chase after my dreams, and maybe even land that Editing job I’ve wanted for a while. After asking myself whether I’d outgrown my career, all my other concerns about staying or leaving were lessened.

Daydreaming

Are you frequently imagining yourself back home?

Now, I’m not saying that by becoming an expat you’re running from something *cue shifty look*. But considering you were willing to pick up and move very far away suggests not everything was sunshine and rainbows in your home life. Therefore, to go back might be a challenge. However, if you’ve found yourself idolising the past and dwelling on home comforts, this could be a sign that you’re ready to go home. The small town that you’d previously longed to escape for years now seems warm and inviting. There are untapped treasures that you wish to return to. 

I’m walking down the streets and my hands start to get chilly. The feeling immediately stirs memories of the Wetherspoons pub up the town. I imagine myself sitting down at Thursday lunchtime next to the roaring fireplace with my mum and dad. It’s a simple daydream but forceful in its repetition, twice or three times a day. That daydream was the first of many that told me I was ready for a return to the UK.

It went beyond simply missing my mum’s cooking from time to time, to thinking about what my family was eating and doing constantly. This daydreaming peaked around Christmas when I knew I didn’t want to miss my third festive celebration in a row. So, are the homely daydreams persistent, pervading, and prolonged? If so, go home. 

Reconnecting

Have you begun to reconnect to your old life?

There are some ties you have to cut when you move to another country. Try as you might to keep in touch with every one of your five hundred Facebook followers, it’s near enough impossible. You’re undoubtedly missing out on jokes and events, drifting further away from the life that you knew. This difficulty to connect is only exacerbated by a different time zone, making it challenging to squeeze in a long overdue phone call. A turnaround in this attitude might signify that your mind is preparing to go home. Making time to catch up with old friends is a sign that you expect to see a return on the communication, seeing them in the not-so-distant future. 

A big turning point for me came at the start of the new school year. At this point, I decided to have that long-overdue phone call with an old university friend. The subconscious pull to go home told me to get over my fear of reconnecting and start building the support network I would need upon my return to the UK. The conversation quickly escalated. Within one phone call, I’d booked a ticket to see a musical the week after my return flight.

The success of this phone call spurred me on to talk to other forgotten friends and I even found myself growing closer to people I had rarely spoken to before my departure. All in all, the extra effort made to connect with past friends showed that home was on the horizon.

Support network

Have your travel buddies begun to leave?

“If so-and-so jumped off a bridge, would you?”

You probably heard that phrase growing up. Don’t blindly follow your friends. But take that witty remark with a pinch of salt. After all, so-and-so might be a very dear friend and have a very good reason. Your friends play a key role in your life, even more so when you’re alone in a foreign country, and so looking at them for guidance is a smart move. The departure of your closest confidants rapidly diminishes your support network. By all means, be a strong, independent adult and stay once your friends have left, but remember those feelings of unease and loneliness that you might have experienced when you initially became an expat. Try and imagine your travel buddies leaving; will this negatively affect your experience in the country?

If you haven’t already discussed your doubts with your friendship group, this is a great place to start before making any life-changing decisions. Listen to what they say. Watch what they decide to do. My closest friends are people who seem to be on the same trajectory as me (read about them here), so I see their life decisions as very instructive.

If it’s my bestie’s time to go home, that’s a good indication to me that it’s my time too. Our goals for the next few years might differ slightly but we’ve all begun to look ahead to a new corner of the world. Ultimately, we came to Korea at the same time, so maybe it’s poignant that we leave together too. Long story short, you do you boo, but don’t forget your friends. 

Bucket list

Have you completed everything that you set out to do?

Is there a world-renowned heritage site you never got around to seeing or a cultural dish you’ve not had the chance to try yet? Perhaps you’re simply a soul-searcher and you’ve not found what you’re looking for within yourself. Now, would going home destroy you inside? Effectively, would going home leave you with a deep, pitiful feeling of regret? If you already feel like you’re racing a ticking clock and haven’t made a dent in that bucket list, staying put may be in your best interest. On the other hand, if your feelings align with mine and you’re satisfied with everything you’ve achieved while abroad, this is a big sign you should consider going home. If it’s any consolation, you should remember that no goodbye is forever – you can always come back!

I still have goals for South Korea. For one thing, I would love to visit Jeju-do, off the southern coast of the peninsula. But my desperation to see and do everything is not as profound as it was when I started the journey. I could happily leave the country tomorrow knowing I’ve experienced things that some people never get close to encountering. I’ve partied with friends in Seoul and eaten traditional beef stew in Busan. And I’m content with the level of self-growth that I’ve undergone while living away from my family.

I’ve completed everything I set out to do in Korea and have found myself creating new bucket lists. I now want to learn to drive, and visit cities in Europe, and go to theme parks with my sister. My priorities have changed, and I can safely say this change isn’t touched with an ounce of regret. I’m ready to go home and look forward to the day when I might return to Korea as a nostalgic traveller.

To stay or to leave…

Did you answer yes to these five questions? 

If that’s the case, you’re probably already leaning toward going home. Maybe, this blog post is the final push that you need to book that plane ticket. Maybe, it just added more questions to your over-spilling brain. Nonetheless, these doubts helped me come to my final decision and could help you too.

Albeit I was lucky when I came to make my choice – I hadn’t made permanent ties to Korea. No long-term partner or secret love child to deal with. Not everyone’s life is quite so simple. However, this simplicity also made my decision difficult because nothing strongly pulled or pushed me away from the country. Therefore, if you’re on the fence like I was, perhaps this has offered some guidance. At the very least, it could be a comfort in the stress of expat life.  Whatever you choose, remember that it is the best decision for you and you’ve done a great job on your journey already.